On this trip I feel like the people were so much more important than the place. When we left the Galapagos It was sad……but not because we were leaving the island rather because we knew that in two days we were leaving each other. It was hard to stay positive on our last day together because I knew I would be saying goodbye to 27 people I love and to top it all off I had no idea when I would see them again. I found myself holding back tears several times that day. When we went out to the mariscol I couldn’t hold back. The combination of emotions, people, chaos, 3 different songs conflicting I felt like my world was spinning out of control and there was nothing I could do about it. I had to just get out of there.
Sometimes, like with javi, I feel like it is a good spin but others, like leaving and starting fresh it makes me sick to my stomach.
I wouldn’t say for the whole trip I was in denial but defiantly for some time of the trip I was in denial about my feelings. I was holding onto the hope of the past because it was happy and maybe because it was unattainable. Meanwhile I was falling in love with javi. I’m sorry to say I hurt him a lot because of my denial. I don’t know how many times I assured him I didn’t like him. I’m now positive it was me I was trying to convince. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing him so I made it that I couldn’t have him in the first place. The truth is the first time I contemplated a relationship with him was in august and for two months I was just being stubborn. I am grateful I came to terms with my denial. That I saw through the thick smoke and found my true feelings for him. The ones that were there the whole time but being held down by……fear I guess I’ll call it. Maybe just stupidity.
There are so many little things I love about him and I want him there by my side……sharing everything with me…….protecting me…..having fun together…..sharing the hard times……and being there for each other. He loves me and he always has and maybe I’m so insecure because I love him too. I didn’t want to admit it because I was afraid that once I did it will all be over. Throughout the semester he has done things taking away this fear. He isn’t going to let this end unless it is what I want. And I know now it is not.
Our last night we went dancing with the group in a club. It was one of the best nights of my life. At one point the song – yo no se manana came on and we both started crying. We were in the middle of a crowded dance floor holding each other and I felt like we were the only two people in the club at that moment.
While we were crying at the thought of this being the last night of US, Sam showed up………………….blurb……………………………………….And the whole time he was hurting he just wanted me and Edgar to be together and enjoy our last night. God! I met some amazing people this semester and I won’t let it happen that we don’t see each other again. We gave each other so much and that is something we will always have.
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