leaving a comment

If you would like to leave a comment(I would really appreciate it) and you don't have a google account thats ok! you can just click submit comment as anonymous and then you can put your name in the body of the comment! thanks for reading :D

realization of what I already knew

So I'll start with the disclaimer! I have no problem with being single....I actually think its needed from time to time. Heck some people are better single and that's a OK with me. But people always ask me: so why have you never had a boyfriend? And I've never really came up with a solid reason why, not the right time, not the right guy, I like being alone and the list goes on..... But this weekend Had a very nice conversation with one of my friends. I was kinda down and he was trying to empower me to go after what I want and unintentionally he made me feel like crap for the way I think. And I thank him for that. Because it bugged me all day and night :/ along with some other college drama. So I sat down this afternoon to write about the other drama trying to get it off my mind but ended up realizing something I already knew. The first step is to admit I have a problem. well we can check that off the list today:D thought I would share what I wrote just for myself......to get it out in the open and maybe it won't be so daunting!


Incapable of love?
Many of reasons I have come up with for the reason which I am 'alone'
and always have been.
But all they amount to are a pile of excuses
I don't need anyone, I don't like anyone, I like being alone, jerk, not my type, to talkative...........
I fall for those who are leaving
And if they aren't leaving, I am.
It a method of self defense
but it has become a method of self destruction
I am the reason
truth be told deep down Ive discovered the reason
I'm scared
scared of opening up
scared of being vulnerable
scared of caring for a person
and even scared of having someone care back
scared of becoming attached
and scared I'll be taken away
I'm not sure how to break this destructive pattern
secretly I tell myself when the right person comes along none of this will matter
but is my rut to deep to jump out of?
I need a rope thrown down to me
and a patient hand to pull me up
For this is not going to be easy
And the dirt may crumble as I try to climb
but I want o get out
no matter how hard the battle
no matter how long it takes
I'm ready to get out!