always think think thinking

I just finished an unforgettable four days in New york on a business trip/ vacation. The city was pretty impressive! i never really put NYC on the top of my list of places to visit but I'm very grateful for the opportunity and would love to go back. We got to see some amazing things :D But i won't go into detail about all that.
While in the city i received several comments of interest. Don't get me wrong they were all flattering but they ended up getting me a bit depressed. If i'm so beautiful and these many guys like me why have I been in the situations I have. I have so many mixed emotions about love right now. One part of me just wants to give up and maintain the theory that if I'm meant to have it, it will find me. Another part of me wants to pursue the person I cant get off my mind maintaining the theory that if i want it i need to go after it. The problem with my first theory is if I'm just sitting around waiting I'm not living. A life well lived is full of decisions, mistakes and great memories. As humans we feel an emotion we have labeled as regret. this emotion, like a black poison, can kill you. Regretting your inaction is far harder to live with than any consequences from mistakes made.
My second plan is not lawless either for i greatly fear the Truth I've always lived by the opinion that if both people in a relationship/proposed relationship o not share the same attraction/feelings the said relationship will never succeed. Believing this I am afraid if i pursue this man Iwill find out he doesn't feel the same. And yes i know i am capable of moving on but the point is I don't WANT to. People say he must like me for all he 'puts up' with and some things that have happened. but they don't realize that yes! friends are supposed to have your back. And honestly I don't want to assume. I need to hear it straight from him one way or the other. But as long as i remain afraid I will remain consumed by the darkness of the unknown.
A third theory needs to be discovered and I am certain one day I will find it.
Someone recently told me that I am going to ask a lot from a man in a relationship(in a good way) He is going to have to be very secure with himself. being in a relationship with me is an intimidating idea. Although it was meant as a compliment of how I have a good head on my shoulders, I'm going places, and that I am an attractive woman. I'm not sure the comment is sitting well with me. I never thought myself intimidating. I was taught all the above attribute were desired in a person as well as compassion, humor, intelligence and many more things. But if we desire these things in a partner why is it that when I contain them the idea of having a relationship with me suddenly becomes intimidating? Are we afraid to take what we desire? Or are we afraid we wont be everything the other desires?
In the city a young music artist stopped me, complimenting my eyes and physical features. He talked me up and offered me a place to stay if i would stay with him. After i politely declined he settled for a hug and sneaked a kiss on the neck. Along with one final attempt to get my number. This proved to me that the intimidating barrier could be broken but also reinforced my desire for a man to not only fall in love with my looks but let his love of my personality fuel his desire to be with me.
On a different note I want to touch on me saying yes to life. I've always been a very outgoing person. Sure a little quiet at first but no doubt outgoing. There was a time in my life where I held back a little. I would put myself in situations of plenty opportunity and instead of taking advantage of every opportunity i would settle for one or two. It took me along time to admit to myself that this was what I was doing. I finally came to terms with it and vowed to work on changing it. Slowly I have been making progress and hope to continue doing so.
Life is a mountain to be climbed. Every tree,stream, rock and crevice to be discovered while experiencing te ups and downs on the way to the peak. One an choose to take the chairlift, bypassing every experience on the way, only to be dropped off at the peak and abandoned on the decline. The other option is to start up the mountain on foot. This option will be full o joy, memories and experiences. Some which will require the climber to continue on hands and knees. But when the peak is reached a euphoric feeling will saturate the body. The decline will not be a sad story of abandonment but rather a decent full of friends, family and memories to be revisited. What ever path you decide to take, go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Me, I'll be lacing up my hiking boots and setting off on a never duplicable journey. I hope to see you on the trail and if I happen to see you above my head I'll be sure to send you a caring smile, because it may just help you on your plummet from the peak. It could become the branch you catch on the way down that gives you one simple memory to hold on to.